defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
