I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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