How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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