I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
