I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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