I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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