I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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