Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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