ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
