sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
