New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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