when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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