I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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