your parents love me but you hate me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
