My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
