We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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