do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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