Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
