and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
