She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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