If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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