Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
