it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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