Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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