Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
