I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
