Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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