Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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