So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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