he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
