the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
