every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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