You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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