bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize