You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
