it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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