Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
