Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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