I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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