Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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