Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Pappa wants mamma naked
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
