My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
