I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
