the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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