"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
