Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
