Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
