just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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