She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
