Im at strip club and am horny
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
