just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
