We're facebook friends in real life
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
