Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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