So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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