he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
