you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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