You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
not ubering you a puppy
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
