what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
