just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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