"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
