Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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