Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
