.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
