Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize