There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
