So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
