My girlfriend figured out who you are.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Randomize
