apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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