Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
