...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize