i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im about as happy as oj after his trial
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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