Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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