Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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