You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
