Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
