so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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