So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
