so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
