her vagine was all disorganized.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
