If that was your dad, he is hot
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
