I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
