Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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