I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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