why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
