i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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