Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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