You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
