she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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