omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
