Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize