yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
