it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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