there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
