Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
