Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
