Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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