You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
