Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize