I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
