found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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