OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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