So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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