i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
