my sisters under your porch take her home
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
