you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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