I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize