i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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