So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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