I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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